These are hard questions for any parent to deal with if you are a parent who strives for mindfulness and fostering a love of nature. It all seems at odds with each other, no? And unfortunately there aren’t hard-and-fast rules we can give you at this time: Technology just keeps on evolving, and the research about what it’s doing to our brains keeps on rolling in. But there is information we can share, from experts and available studies. And, perhaps unsurprisingly, it really all starts with the parents’ behavior. Another study suggests that parental predictability is what’s key, and interruptions (perhaps that come from checking emails or Facebook) can affect brain development, especially with pleasure sensors. “Ideally we want to raise kids that enjoy things, whether that’s nature or otherwise,” says study author Tallie Z. Baram, M.D., Ph.D. “Imagine a mom interacting with her child: She holds a toy up, sets it on the table. She holds another toy up, sets it on the table. She’s engaged with the toys and looks excited; the kid is going to be engaged and their pleasure system will respond.” And when you disrupt this interaction, it’s perhaps showing the child that this isn’t interesting or rewarding enough to stimulate pleasure. One tip from Jessica Abo, parent and author of Unfiltered: How To Be As Happy As You Look on Social Media: Delete your social media from your phone or at least move it to the last screen, so it’s not as present. Also: Turn off all non-urgent notifications. “We have started creating this phantom buzz in our heads, so we think that someone is commenting on our Instagram or messaging us and we imagine a buzz, but it’s not there. It just an element of FOMO. And so you’ve caused this distraction for no reason.” “The thing is, even if a kid is going off to do their own thing, they are given a smartphone so the parent can micromanage and be in constant communication,” says licensed psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS. “The parent is likely always in contact with them, ‘What are you doing now?’ ‘Is everything OK?’ so even if something comes up, the kid doesn’t have the opportunity to figure it out themselves.” If it’s a low-risk scenario—think walking to your neighbor’s house to play, visiting the local pool—they’re likely OK to venture out on their own, sans phone or digital monitoring. If this causes stress just thinking about it, just reconsider your own childhood: “What did you do when you were a kid?” “One of the biggest things I tell parents, is to find activities that get your kids outside with you so they can find achievement outside of social media,” says Abo. “They need to have a sense of purpose that isn’t tied to their phone and place value in themselves over social validation. Nothing replaces knowing that their own body, their strength and determination, carried them up a hill, on a long hike, or across a finish line. Cheer on your children, while gently reminding them that no amount of ’likes’ can top the feeling of accomplishment.”
