The term polycule comes from a cross between poly, meaning “many,” and molecule, says licensed sex therapist Lori Lawrenz, Psy.D. “When the various polyamorous relationships are drawn in a diagram form, the construction resembles that of a molecule.” Each person in the network is typically involved in consensual nonmonogamous relationships with other members, although not everyone is necessarily romantically or sexually joined with each other, says AASECT-certified sex therapist Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW. Instead, the polycule can function as a kind of family group, in which there are different kinds of bonds between all members—which is important in the context of an amatonormative society. “An unavoidable aspect of nonmonogamy is that people are engaging in a system of relationships that all impact one another,” says Anna Dow, LCSW, a therapist who specializes in consensual nonmonogamy and practices it herself. “Having shared language for that system can add to some people’s senses of security and belonging while also offering practical information about how their own relationship dynamics may impact other people.” For example, Person A and Person B are both dating Person C, but A and B are not dating each other. This makes Person A and B metamours. If Person A and B get along well and enjoy their time together, they may begin to think of their bond with each other and Person C as a polycule. However, Hattab clarifies that some people may use unicorn/dragon interchangeably and warn that some people may have “unrealistic expectations of finding and adding a third partner” who fits their exact criteria. “You may have heard that the golden rule is to treat others as you want to be treated, but somebody got that all wrong. To build healthy relationships what we really must do is treat others as they want to be treated,” says Dow.
