Here’s what spirituality and mental health experts want you to know about the dark night of the soul’s six distinct stages and how to get through them stronger than ever. According to Anna Yusim, M.D., a psychiatrist and the author of Fulfilled: How the Science of Spirituality Can Help You Live a Happier, More Meaningful Life, “The dark night of the soul is essentially any time when our darkness comes to the forefront. It’s as if we are doing everything we can to stay afloat, and it seems as if the universe, the world, and life is against us.” Yusim adds that the dark night of the soul will often involve suffering, setbacks, and obstacles. Nevertheless, she says, “Oftentimes, a dark night of the soul is a necessary part of people’s spiritual evolution.” As Shannon Kaiser, spiritual teacher and author of Return to You, tells mbg, “It often happens to guide us to find our purpose in life, pay back or balance karma, and understand deep karmic and spiritual lessons. The dark night of the soul is a breaking away from the illusions of fear and ego to shift our alignment and values to what is real and true, the connection to the divine, and ultimately pave the way for your life purpose and mission here on Earth.” According to Kaiser, for one thing, depression is a mental health disorder, while a dark night of the soul is a spiritual desolation. “The dark night of the soul is more localized to feeling distressed and disoriented in our relationship with the bigger meaning to life and the creator,” she says, adding it affects one’s worldview, beliefs, perspective, habits, thoughts, and relationships. “It wakes one up to life,” she notes. If you suspect you have depression, seek help from a medical professional. If you are looking for guidance on getting through the dark night of the soul, read on. Think of the journey through the dark night as an inverted bell curve—rather than peaking high up in the middle, this journey leads you down, down, down to the depths, which brings us to the next stage. You may become emotionally numb, lose friends and family, isolate, and/or numb through addictions during this time, she notes, adding, “Often in this phase, family and friends abandon us. This phase turns into the darkest hours of our life, but it will also teach us a valuable lesson if we are open to receive it.” This stage can include physical symptoms of stress such as headaches, nausea, and body aches, and even psychological and emotional manifestations, according to Kaiser. “One will have the opportunity to go deeply into themselves because it’s an inner journey back to source. You will finally be ready to face ‘what is’ instead of running away from it and wake up to the greater meaning to your life and it all,” she says. And as Yusim adds, the dark night of the soul will accentuate what you need to release or otherwise transform. You may become more curious and drawn to spiritual teachers and guides at this time, and you’ll slowly but surely start to act like a creator and build the life you want, she adds. “So we’ve transformed our perspective, and then we transform the pain and suffering into wisdom, which enables us to move forward and have even more light to share with the world by virtue of having gone through that experience,” Yusim explains. In this stage, you’ll be in a place where you no longer lean on dysfunctional, old patterns (both personal and generational), and you feel guided to live with more purpose and passion. You will also be inclined to be in service of others rather than self, Kaiser says. “Ask yourself what you need to feel grounded, to feel whole, to feel connected, to feel productive, to feel purposeful—and then do precisely that,” Yusim says, adding that it’s about “recognizing what you need and taking the best care of yourself possible. Self-care is a huge part of that.” Kaiser adds that you’ll also want to trust your intuition, as well as spiritual guidance you receive. “The key is being willing to integrate the lessons and move on with serenity. The more open you are to change, the more you are likely to end your dark night of the soul sooner,” Kaiser tells mbg. According to Yusim, looking for the lesson that the dark night is trying to teach you will also be very helpful. “In every darkness, there is a diamond, and it’s always about looking for that diamond,” she says. “Sometimes the diamond presents itself and is readily available, but sometimes you really have to dig to see it, and create the narrative, and construct the meaning that you’re going to take from that experience.” And for what it’s worth, she adds, the bigger the ego, the more difficulty you’ll have, “because [big egos] fail to have faith in what the universe brings and don’t trust anything outside themselves.” Additionally, Kaiser and Yusim both stress the importance of not running away from yourself during this time. “There’s some reprioritizing that needs to happen. Some people try to run away from their darkness, but you really can’t run away from yourself,” Yusim says. “Don’t run from the pain,” she reiterates. “Allow for it, feel it, know it won’t last forever. Do not spiritually bypass your feelings—make sure you feel all the emotions coming up.” As Kaiser explains, “The other side of the dark night of the soul is authentic alignment, awareness, peace and heart-based living allowing for true happiness. Many step into their true purpose and live with more purpose and joy, and their life becomes more rich and rewarding.” After all, Yusim notes, “The purpose of the dark night of the soul is to make us bigger, feel more at home, expanded, stronger—and able to give more light to the world.” Check out our full guide to spiritual awakenings for more information.
