Social anxiety can cause people to dread—and even avoid—common activities such as birthday parties, office meetings, or even public places. To make matters worse, that fear of social situations can end up causing even more stress and anxiety. This disorder affects 40 million adults, or 18.1% of the U.S. population, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. “People with social anxiety disorder experience pervasive fears of social situations in which embarrassment or humiliation may occur,” psychologist Justine Grosso, PsyD, PLLC, tells mbg. “However, they realize that the level of fear is excessive, which can cause individuals to fear being judged or rejected for appearing anxious, blushing, sweating, or coming across as incompetent or boring.” This may lead to avoidance of social situations or enduring them with intense distress. According to Manly, most individuals develop social anxiety in mid-childhood. That said, social anxiety can worsen or improve over time and can flare up in adulthood. “Although certain traumatic events can trigger a lifelong experience of social anxiety, it can also begin with just the internal dialogue of not being enough in comparison to others,” psychologist Tony Ortega tells mbg. “This negative chatter may start as a murmur and grow into a roar over a period of time.” What tends to make social anxiety worse is avoidance. “[This could include] either avoiding situations that cause the anxiety or experiential avoidance: overuse of medications or other safety cues, which reduce the anxiety feelings short term but prevent new learning from taking place,” psychologist Lara Fielding, Psy.D., Ed.M., tells mbg. If you experience the symptoms of social anxiety, it’s tempting to want to lock yourself inside and avoid anything that causes you discomfort. But you don’t have to let social anxiety get the best of you—there are a number of strategies you can do to help yourself become comfortable with social gatherings. Some people are also able to manage their social anxiety through self-care that is focused on general anxiety reduction. “This often involves breathing, meditation, manageable, incremental exposure to anxiety-inducing situations, and timeouts as needed,” says Manly. Ortega recommends making a list of social situations that cause anxiety, beginning with the least anxiety-producing to most anxiety-producing. “I would have the person tackle the least anxiety-producing [situations] first,” he says. “This allows for psychological musculature to develop so they can later tackle the more anxiety-producing scenarios. To avoid getting overwhelmed, you can incorporate certain strategies before, during, and after the event that will help you work through your anxiety and alleviate your fears over time. It can also help to develop your own self-validation mantra, which you can use with your paced breathing. “The repetition of a combination of words or phrases both interrupts the catastrophizing thoughts that will make your anxiety worse and also reminds you that you have some influence on things,” says Fielding. “It might be something like, ‘I’m inhaling awareness that anxiety is present; I’m exhaling with gratitude that I can handle this.’ Just make sure you believe your mantra.” “Magnesium citrate acts as a natural beta-blocker and can do wonders for public speaking anxiety,” says Fielding. “CBD and other hemp products can provide some relief [for anxiety]1 as well to get you up and out.”* Just be sure to check with your health care provider before adding any supplement to your regimen. “This is important because if you are stuck in your head worrying the person you’re talking to may not like you, you may miss seeing that they are smiling at you,” says Grosso. “Mindful grounding strategies include feeling your feet in your shoes, feeling your sitz bones on the chair if sitting, holding and feeling the texture of an object (stone, shell, jewelry), or focusing on sounds.” You can challenge an unhelpful thought by looking at factual evidence for and against your thoughts and creating a new more balanced and helpful thought, whether it be positive or even just neutral. “It is easy to focus on what feels unpleasant, so make sure to identify all of the things that went well in social interactions including the coping strategies you used and when people showed interest,” says Grosso. “Make sure to celebrate what [went] well and try to focus on the process of facing your fears regardless of the outcome.” However, you want to avoid rumination loops (going over the past again and again when you have already found a plan for the future). If something sticks out as a “learning opportunity,” focus on the fact that you’re now more aware and prepared for the next social event. “The difference between ‘work stress’ and other types of stressful environments, and social anxiety disorder is that in social anxiety, the fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent; the situations are either avoided or cause severe anxiety or panic attacks; and [the anxiety] typically lasts six or more months,” says Field. “Also, in social anxiety, the individual is aware that their reaction is excessive. If social anxiety is interfering with your everyday life, it’s best to see a professional specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or one of the mindfulness-based CBTs. Social interactions will always be a part of your life, and rather than avoid the activities that can also add joy to your life and reduce your anxieties, you’ll want to tackle your fears head-on. But you don’t have to do it alone. Lean on a supportive friend or therapist, and follow the above suggestions to help alleviate your social anxiety.
