“People might feel lost, trapped—personally and/or professionally—and uninspired during a quarter-life crisis,” she explains, adding, “While this is said to be some of the best times of our lives, there is a lot of pressure on people at this age as well, and struggles specific to this time in life.” How long a quarter-life crisis lasts will vary based on the individual and what triggers the crisis, but according to licensed therapist Tiana Leeds, M.A., LMFT, this time in one’s life can last for up to a few years. “It can take a lot of time between when you first realize something’s amiss in your life [and] figuring out how to live an adult life. There can be this sense of, ‘This isn’t it, but I have no idea what it is.’” Many people experience dramatic upheaval, change, and disappointment during this time of their lives, which can lead them to feeling overwhelmed, unsure of themselves, and so much more, adds licensed therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, MSW, LCSW-S, CST. She notes that this can be especially true if someone had a firm idea of who they wanted to be or what they wanted to do career-wise, only to get there and realize it wasn’t actually the right fit for them. “It can be really devastating to find the reality of a job is very different than what you envisioned it to be,” she says. Blaylock-Solar also notes that comparison can be a big trigger of quarter-life crises as well, such as seeing friends advance in their careers or get married. “There can be a sense of, ‘Why isn’t that happening for me? What’s wrong with me?’” she explains. Unlike a midlife crisis, which tends to be more centered on “running out of time,” a quarter-life crisis implies an urgency to figure out how to even get to that midlife point in a way that works for you. That said, throughout this phase, there will be glimmers of hope, according to Blaylock-Solar. You’ll have good days where you realize you will get through this, and you start to imagine what it is you want and what your life could look like. This phase will typically have some overlap with the third phase. When it comes to support, though, Leeds says it’s important to remember that you have to figure out what’s truly best for you—not your parents, your friends, or society at large. “I would encourage people going to reach out for support but not to look to other people to dictate what the next steps of their life should be,” she explains. And this advice goes both ways if you know someone who is struggling with a quarter-life crisis and you want to help them. Be there for them, be patient, and be supportive, Leeds says, but try not to push them and keep your opinions relatively quiet. Leeds adds you can ask yourself questions like, “Who am I, and what do I want?” and “How can I create a plan to get that for myself?” “Try to zoom out on your life to remember that you don’t have to figure it all out as a 25-year-old, a 32-year-old, or a 35-year-old person,” Leeds says. “You don’t have to actually know what the entire trajectory of your life is going to be.” And to that end, she adds, feel free to throw any “rules” out the window, and namely, limiting beliefs. “Let go of any of the beliefs you’ve picked up along the way from other people—from your family to expectations from society—and really try to tune in to your own inner knowing about who you are and what you want,” she suggests.
