What we are taught in our culture, very well I might add, is how to avoid emotions. Our society even praises people for not showing emotions, calling them strong, stoic, or independent. It’s no wonder most people are uncomfortable with them. Here are 10 signs that you’re not comfortable with emotions: If you recognize yourself in any of the 10 signs listed above, try not to be hard on yourself. Remind yourself that we live in a culture with messages like: Control your emotions! Emotions are for weak people. Get over it! And we internalize these values. Then when we have emotions and cannot stop them with sheer will, we tell ourselves we are bad or weak. We believe we should get over it. And when we cannot, we feel worse. Simply learning a bit more about emotions can make you much more comfortable with them and immediately make you feel better about having emotions in the first place. When I learned about core emotions and how to work with them, it was an aha! moment for me that changed my personal and professional life. I never knew that core emotions were actually a bunch of physical sensations that we come to recognize as an emotion. Just think about how your body feels when you are sad—kind of heavy in your heart area. I never knew until I was in my professional training that emotions are biological forces that put stress on the body when they are buried. My patients are always surprised, and then relieved, to learn that emotions are not under conscious control and are normal responses to the environment. One of the secrets to getting comfortable with emotions is getting comfortable with how they feel in our bodies. All of us benefit from understanding emotions, why nature hard-wired these programs deep in our brain, and how to work with them in line with our biology. I became an emotion-centered psychotherapist to help people feel better and develop skills and resilience to meet the challenges of life. I am passionate in the belief that all of us need a basic education in emotions. I hope I have prompted you to consider learning more about emotions. Just like you learned in high school biology that you had eyes, ears, a heart, and a stomach, and you learned a little bit about how those organs work, you can learn about your emotions and have tools to work with them. To thrive in life, tending to both thoughts and emotions is required. It’s about coming into balance. We can all grow more comfortable with emotions, and it will serve us greatly. From the book It’s Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Copyright © 2018 by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Reprinted by arrangement with Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. Hendel takes the complex world of emotions and makes them easy to understand for all. She offers resources on emotions, emotional health, and a copy of the Change Triangle tool on her website.
