As you can imagine, what’s considered “kinky” and “out of the norm” might vary depending on the individual. It’s based primarily on your generation, culture, and religion. For instance, your grandmother might find dildos or doggy style to be a form of kink, while those same things might be considered vanilla and boring to her grandchildren in Gen Z. Many people have some slight fetishistic behaviors—a voluptuous butt, for example, is currently a popularly fetishized body part—but a true fetish is when an object or behavior is required for sexual arousal. A fetishist would typically not be able to experience sexual arousal without it. These days kink is used to spice things up. By increasing sexual excitement, kink can be used to also enhance the intimacy of the experience. Many couples engaging in kink don’t need the behavior to enjoy sex; instead, kink stands to increase the connection that’s already present. For instance, a person who enjoys spanking their partner during sex may use a hand or riding crop to do so. It isn’t necessarily the spanking itself or the object being used that increases excitement but rather enjoying using them with their partner. This same couple may incorporate a blindfold as a form of sensory deprivation and receive the same kind of enjoyment the next time. Kink is something used to enhance sex, but it isn’t a requirement for it. A fetishist, on the other hand, may always need their interest to be included in sexual play in order to get adequately aroused. Some fetishes can even be dangerous, whether for the fetishist or the object of their desires. For instance, someone with a voyeurism fetish (aka voyeuristic disorder) needs to spy intentionally on unsuspecting people to become sexually aroused. Someone who can only be aroused by children (aka pedophilic disorder) also has a clearly problematic fetish. Both of these fetishes don’t allow for consent and cause clear harm to others if acted on. Some fetishists will seek psychological treatment when they find their fetishes interfere with their relationships or cross over into illegal territory. However, most fetishes are not illegal. The more disruptive cases may be diagnosed with fetishistic disorder, which involves having a fetish that causes distress or impairment to the individual or harm to others. Generally speaking, many kinks and fetishes are starting to become common fantasies experienced by the majority of the American population, and the taboo around these diverse forms of sexuality is beginning to break down. For instance, research conducted by social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., through the Kinsey Institute, has found that multi-partner sex, such as threesomes or orgies, were desired by 95% of men and 87% of women. Along the same line, BDSM fantasies were common in 93% of men and 96% of women. While fantasies don’t always play out in reality, these studies show that there is nothing abnormal about the kinky desires. In fact, those looking to experiment with all forms of kink are joining what’s becoming more mainstream by the day.
