“Having a sense of self is vital to our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It becomes our internal compass for every interaction with others,” she says. “Your sense of self tells you what boundaries you need to place with others and [how to] make decisions that will serve you. It also enables you to reflect on the things that don’t serve you and evolves to help you survive, adapt, and ultimately thrive.” Think of it like this: Your sense of self functions as your bouncer, reminding you of your higher purpose. You’ll feel OK releasing what’s not right for you because you know you are energetically clearing space for the paths you are genuinely destined for. It easily centers what’s authentically best for you, helping you navigate various complex situations. “This knowing of yourself includes all of your identities, beliefs, values, traits, and intersections of these concepts,” Fregoso says. She notes that other people will inevitably affect the way you view yourself, but ultimately it is an internal process. “That’s not to say that our sense of self does not come from external input. Some of it does. But for the most part, our sense of self comes from our definition and view of ourselves. Only you can define who you are.” As licensed therapist Yesenia C. Dominguez, LCSW, puts it, “A self-sufficient person is not overly dependent on others and is not controlling of things that are outside of themselves. They can manage their emotions without acting them out on other people.” “This person knows what they are good at and recognizes the things they are not good at without feeling bad about it. An example is, I can recognize that I may not be good at math, but I am good at working with people,” Dominguez says. “Having a strong sense of self matters every day and in every situation. Without a sense of self, people feel lost, indecisive, anxious, depressed, and many times hopeless or worthless,” Fregoso says. If you don’t understand yourself very well, you run the risk of turning down expansive things that you could love and saying yes to things that aren’t right for you. “You’re open to change. A person with a strong sense of self will adapt to their environment. It’s natural to have fears and anxiety about change, but they find a way to keep on going through these changes,” Dominguez says. Get to know yourself from a societal, collective level and how it trickles down to how you individually view yourself. When you’re categorizing yourself into these different buckets as an exercise, don’t think of it like you’re boxing yourself in. Instead, it’s dedicated time to understand how these different identities may have influenced certain beliefs or behaviors for you. By knowing these distinctions, it makes it easier to sift through what organically came from you and what was drilled into your head by others. It helps articulate language around who you are, adding to increased self-awareness and a more unyielding self-image. For example, you may realize you’re not interested in typical 9-to-5 jobs and prefer to structure out your own schedule in a creative environment, leading you to turn down that corporate job in pursuit of what fits you better. This all helps you learn how you can interact with the world in a beneficial manner. “I encourage you to see this as a journey to finding your sense of self rather than a destination. Be gentle with yourself like you would be to a close friend or family member,” says Dominguez. “Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you will have since you will always be with yourself, and it requires nurturing.”
