Today, I wake up and my life just feels right. It was a process, and a journey to get from there to here, but the crucial factors in precipitating this shift were having the realization that I didn’t know who I was, and making the commitment to find out. Trying to please people might land you with vague acceptance from others, but it’s only the deep and vulnerable truth of you that can provoke deep, genuine attachment and love. In retrospect, it’s clear to me why my relationships were so painful and unfulfilling at that time. I never let those people know the real me. I couldn’t let them, until I knew myself. I was passive, because I wanted to please others more than I wanted to honor myself. You will be hurt in these superficial relationships. You’ll crave understanding and acceptance from your loved ones, but you can’t expect them to tell you who you are. It’s your job to show them. When I worked as a life coach, I had my clients write down exactly what they felt without looking at their emotions through anyone else’s eyes or worrying about anyone else’s feelings. The responses never failed to be touching and beautifully human. Our truth is so much richer than the diluted version of it that we actually share. Building honest, meaningful relationships; finding and fulfilling your dreams; and living with a sense of purpose are all things that only become possible when you know who you are. So, how do you find yourself? It starts with digging for your truth (the principles that really matter to you). Your truth cultivates your stance. (That’s what you stand up for and how you respond to other people’s opinions.) Your stance, simply put, is your truth in action. This defines how you live, how you relate to others, and the legacy you leave behind. Here’s how to start the journey of uncovering yourself: It’s crucial to create space for yourself within that relationship, so you can hear your own thoughts and the quiet whispers of your heart. Spend time alone. Allow your feelings to speak — whether through meditation, writing, or painting. (More on this later.) This requires alone time because only in silence can your feelings be heard, without being challenged or colored by the perceptions of others. This space you create to hear yourself should be a sanctuary. The thoughts and feelings you express here should not be judged. Give yourself compassion. If you simply think through these things, you won’t bring everything to the surface. Big chunks of your truth will stay hidden and hold you back. Through this process, you will likely find that what you believe and what you want are quite different in some places from the reality you’re living. Ask yourself why. If you want to change, do. Knowing where you stand will empower you to make those decisions confidently. When I started to embrace my truth, one of my closest friends said, “What happened to you? You used to be all mousy and cute and now you’re all angry and loud and stuff.” What happened to me is that I was becoming honest. These were all the secret feelings I had held inside when she had treated me badly. Now I had the strength to tell her how I felt. I was holding her accountable for her actions and refusing to pollute my self-worth with her judgment. Eventually, I realized that that particular friendship only worked when I was completely passive. Soon, it fell away. That was painful, but it made such a beautiful space for people who truly cared about me and wanted the best for me. If you’re scared, take it slowly. Start speaking up a little bit at a time and evaluate the results as you go. Conquering your fear and embodying the truest version of yourself is a personal victory. Acknowledging it as such creates a positive feedback loop that will encourage you to keep building a more positive, empowered, authentic life every day. About six years ago, I got off all the meds and addressed everything that shaped me into the dysfunctional person I had become. I broke apart as a human in ways I could never explain. Standing there in the rubble of my life, I had only one choice… to build a new one. I use all of those experiences to help others make it to the bright side as well, as a life coach specializing in helping people find their way to freedom from darkness to a baseline state of happiness with peaks of joy. You can read more about me on my blogs: www.unfukyourself.com and www.thebaltobunnyproject.com. I am also a Partner at The Angry Therapist. Connect with me on Instagram @unfukyourself
