At the time, I thought that people would judge us and stare, or even worse, someone might mistake him for my son. In reality, strangers hardly know there is much of an age difference between us, and they’re almost certainly unaware that the difference is about 12.5 years — an age gap that is taboo in our culture. Sometimes, I’d actually pick fights out of insecurity, just so I could utter the lines, “Maybe you’d be happier with someone who for certain has all of her eggs,” or, “Perhaps, you want someone who isn’t on a timeline of starting a family.” So, after grappling with my own insecurities and the societal taboos, there were also the judgments of friends and family. At the beginning of our relationship, my friends were concerned that his age automatically revealed his readiness to have a long-term relationship and plan a future together. People in our lives also expressed the fear that if we were to stay together, we may never have a “normal” life. And, although we’ve been together for more than a year and a half, live together, and are planning a future with one another, individuals still find it difficult to understand why we have chosen each other. My age has been a huge barrier for some to open their minds and hearts and get to know me simply as the person whom he loves. My boyfriend and I are not immune to the effects of these judgments. We find ourselves talking about whether or not we should stay together or break up — simply because of the pressure put on us from hearing so many critical opinions about our relationship. We’ve had to ask if it’s worth listening to other people’s opinions to potentially give up the best relationship we have both ever had. It amazes me that even as the world seems to be progressing and we’re now openly embracing many life choices, most of us still aren’t comfortable with age differences in relationships. Ultimately, my boyfriend and I have concluded that our love is too deep, intense, and “once-in-a-lifetime” to let it go. There are days when the weight of it all leaves me immobilized, sad, and unable to focus on anything. So, how do I cope when the judgments become overwhelming? I have learned a few things to help me get by, and to remind me that our love is worth fighting for: For those of you reading: the next time you begin to judge a relationship that looks “different” because of age, race, disability, or something else, catch yourself and stop. Be a catalyst for change: start with yourself and aid others in shedding stereotypes. And for those readers who are in a similar position and find your relationship judged because of religion, race, sexual orientation, age, or something else, be proud of what you have. Love harder, stronger and with more passion and show the world that love can prevail. She holds her Masters in Business Administration, as well as Strategic Intervention Coach Training from the Robbins-Madanes Training center. She also lived abroad for several years and has managed teams in a multitude of countries.
