Attunement as a conscious spiritual practice was developed by Lloyd Arthur Meeker in 1929 and is still practiced today. It involves sharing energy between two people, totally in sync, to promote well-being. Essentially, it’s all about becoming harmonious with other people’s energies. Some experts believe attunement involves activating the brain’s mirror neurons1, which are thought to be networks in the brain that respond to other people’s emotions and actions as if they were our own, helping people bond with one another. That said, the research on mirror neurons2 is still ongoing and the concept debated. As licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist Megan Fleming, Ph.D., explains to mbg, “We want to be seen and heard and appreciated and feel connected as human beings. When it comes to attunement, nothing’s sexier than mindfulness and being in the present moment.” Without open and honest communication, she adds, we simply can’t expect anyone to understand our emotions and needs. “It’s on us to tell our partners how we’re feeling so they can notice the signs going forward,” she adds. In this way, the more you explicitly discuss your emotions, the more attunement will happen naturally, as you just “get” each other. Attunement is also a large part of infancy, often occurring between children and their caregivers very early on. Say a child is crying, for example, and the parent realizes their baby needs their diaper changed. Or from the other way around, a baby may cry if they see their parent crying. These early connections are the foundational bond between parent and child and can have a large influence on attachment styles. “Many will undergo an intense period of self-growth following their attunements,” reiki practitioner Sharna Langlais previously wrote for mbg. “You can think of the attunement process like a transfer of energy: The master is passing energy off to the student, who will then possess it for life,” she notes. Fleming recommends practicing body scans, because “part of attunement is to be embodied,” she says, adding, “A lot of us are just living in our heads.” Practice bringing awareness to your body and where you’re feeling certain sensations, such as happiness in your chest, fear in your stomach, or a lump in your throat, for example. Both on your own and with your partner, Blaylock-Johnson says it’s all about nonjudgment and being present with whatever it is you’re feeling—and if you’re with your partner, what they’re feeling too. “I think that can also really help you be in tune with yourself so you can share what it is you’re needing from your partner,” she adds. Here are a few mindful practices to get you started. It’s important for those conversations to be intimate and without distraction, Fleming adds. “We live in such a multitasking culture, we don’t often get undivided attention, and attunement means ‘I’m here right now with you.’” To try it, sit across from your partner, facing each other, and hold eye contact for two to four minutes without speaking or interruptions.
