If you or someone you know is an an ESTJ, here’s what to keep in mind. That said, ESTJs can come off as a bit tyrannical when they don’t consider others’ feelings, he notes. “They can dismiss others’ unique life experiences and perspectives, and try too much to limit others into a ‘best’ path or mold.” This personality type is one of the more common Myers-Briggs types, according to Nardi. Namely, they make up roughly 8% of the general population (11% of men, and 6% of women). “It’s among the most common types in the population, if not the most common among men in the US, and relatively rare for women,” he adds. “Thus, female ESTJs face challenges, especially when pushed by others and society to be more empathetic or feeling-focused.” The only time they may have trouble communicating directly, however, is when they’re asking others for help, especially in regard to emotional issues, he notes. And as board-certified clinical psychologist Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., ABPP, previously wrote for mbg, “Research has shown that having two personality types in common may make for the best combinations. Specifically, if you and your partner are the same in sensing/judging (ESTJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, ISFJ), there’s a greater than 70 percent chance of compatibility.” To that end according to Nardi, “At first blush, we might think that some types—namely, ISTJ, ISFJ, ENTJ, and INTJ—are good fits. And yes, ESTJs do tend to pair up with these types. But with ENTJ, the relationship can be overly business-like, in an unsatisfying way, and with the other three, the ESTJ’s style may overshadow (that is, crush) their introverted partner.” He also adds that ESTPs can work well with ESTJs because they complement each other. What ultimately matters for ESTJs in a relationship is stability, values, growth, and goals, so if they meet someone who can align with their vision, that would indicate good compatibility. And because these folks are known to be consistent and steadfast, their relationships tend to be predictable and a place of safety. Nardi adds that INFPs’ sensitive and idealistic nature can also make dating and intimacy a challenge. They’re known to put their partners on a pedestal, he says, which can lead to some disillusionment down the line. Pair them with an ESTJ, and an INFP may feel hurt by ESTJ’s direct (and sometimes confrontational) nature. And the ESTJ, meanwhile, may find the INFP immature or overly sensitive. Similar to INFPs, INFJs are sensitive, which makes them supportive partners, but only when that sensitivity is reciprocated. Again, this is not an ESTJ’s strong suit, so similar problems would arise with this pair as with an ESTJ and INFP. In the office (and everywhere, really) they’re industrious, practical, and hard-working, and prefer direct over vague language, or a touchy-feely or wishy-washy style. “They try to apply all rules equally to everyone for fairness, but making no exceptions can also make them look unfeeling,” he notes. They also may tend to take a band-aid approach to problems as they emerge, Nardi notes, which can result in a lot of band-aids and bureaucracy over time. This type can also be very humorous, he notes, but they shouldn’t lean on their jokes at the expense of others. “They must learn to tame their biting sense of humor.” He also recommends the ESTJ prioritize nurturing some of their creative interests. “Travel the world and be open to tasting different cultures to experience the wealth and variety that life has to offer. Be the classiest person you can, and classy doesn’t mean ‘community standards,’ it means beautiful on the inside,” he adds.
