“Extroverts gain energy from social interaction, while introverts expend energy in social situations,” explains relationship therapist Ken Page, LCSW. “After attending a party or spending time in a large group of people, they often feel a need to ‘recharge’ by spending time alone.” Introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum, with some people falling toward the middle (aka “ambiverts”) and others being true introverts or extroverts. Preferences toward introversion and extroversion were first popularized in the 1900s by famed psychiatrist Carl Jung, who considered this spectrum to be one of the foundational traits that influence our overall personality. Today the scale is part of many popular personality assessments, such as the “Big 5” and the MBTI. According to Page, introverts’ own inner world helps them ground themselves. He adds that these folks tend to be more quiet, reserved, and introspective, though it’s worth noting that “introvert” doesn’t necessarily equate to “shy.” Sure, some introverts can be shy, but as Page explains, shyness is more of an emotion than a trait, and many introverts’ preference toward introversion isn’t coming from a place of social anxiety, for example. As communication expert Celeste Headlee previously explained to mbg, “Introversion and extroversion—the terms that Carl Jung came up with—describe the absolute ends of the spectrum.” Our DNA also even determines the degree to which we can be flexible in these traits, he says. “Introversion and extroversion is really connected to a whole bunch of issues around our neurotransmitters, and the most important one is dopamine,” he says. Dopamine fuels our reward center in the brain, and Page explains that extroverts tend to appreciate or be motivated by those dopamine hits. “But introvert,” he notes, “their brains are less driven by that need for dopamine and that excitement over dopamine.” He adds that your introverted self is a portal to a deep and rich understanding of the world that is uniquely yours, so take advantage of that. “There’s a root level of reflection and depth that introverts hold that often can make them feel self-conscious, but those are some of the richest parts of them—what I call their ‘core gifts,’” Page says. And as psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, puts it, “There’s a line between victimhood and doing something about it. When you can leverage introversion and let it empower you, that means you mutate a potential ‘weakness’ into a superpower.” And speaking of relationships, Page tells mbg that introverts can often have a more difficult time with dating—unless they know how to express their need for space in the context of a relationship. “If they don’t,” he says, “they’ll unconsciously protect themselves by avoiding intimacy because they’ll be afraid that they will be overwhelmed and overstimulated and not have the tools or the capacity to set boundaries.” You may need space from friends, family, even your partner—and that’s OK. Introverts need to keep coming back to themselves, and while it’s important to be able to flex some extroversion at times when it’s needed, he says, you will feel more at peace when you honor your need for space.
