If anger is ill-affecting our family, friendships, or work relationships, we need to take a step back and assess. Anger can be both a cause and a symptom of emotional instability, mental health challenges, and even a hormone imbalance. No matter the trigger, it is important to determine if the severity or frequency of angry outbursts is truly damaging. Functional and healthy anger occurs when an individual’s personal boundaries are violated, he explains. The other kind of anger, which is dysfunctional or unhealthy, masks other feelings related to painful experiences. “Anger can cover sadness and vulnerability, and those feelings are too painful to feel, but anger is much easier,” he says. According to board-certified psychiatrist Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, M.D., anger becomes an issue when problems related to controlling anger in various social situations provoke sudden outbursts that are socially unacceptable. “You may feel irritable, frustrated, and suffer from physical symptoms as well,” she says of people who experience unhealthy levels of anger. Not only can people prone to anger experience physical symptoms, like chronic pain or aches, but they also might find themselves in harm’s way, often. Verbal fights or physical violence are natural progressions, which can lead to even more physical harm. There is no definitive anger issues test, but there are many self-assessments. Over the years, clinicians have developed different tools to help assess a patient’s anger level or reactions. “Anger issues are usually diagnosed by a therapist or psychologist by doing a thorough mental status examination of the patient, along with a detailed record of the various instances of anger responses in various daily life situations,” Gonzalez-Berrios explains. While anger by itself is not a psychological disorder, it can be a symptom of various mental health conditions1 such as depression, dementia, ADHD, intermittent disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder. And the reverse is also true. Some children learned that tantrums and shouting matches were effective tools to get what they want. Carrying those behaviors into adulthood is not sustainable. “Children also imitate their parents’ behaviors,” Gonzalez-Berrios adds, and so learn to respond in similar ways. In cases of prolonged exposure to violent or abusive tendencies, some children will normalize and mimic these troublesome examples. When you notice anger rising in yourself, take note of what that feels like in your body. For example, do you feel heat in your gut or are your teeth clenched? For some people, it is easier to recognize the bodily reactions first rather than the feeling of anger itself. The same is true when trying to identify if a person you love is angry. If they are screaming, well, then you know. But if they are passive-aggressive, then they may become more distant or unavailable. In such cases, a calm and non-accusatory approach to expressing concern and the hope for repair is more effective than direct confrontation in the moment. “Aside from mental health treatment, it is important that we maintain tools for regulating ourselves during periods of emotional distress. This includes meditation, mindfulness, breathing, etc.,” Eshtehardi advises. “Mindful breathing has a huge impact on stress levels and can be a very productive coping skill.” Luo also recommends learning calming techniques and breathing exercises for muscle relaxation. Additionally, you may consider taking one of these 15 science-backed stress-relieving supplements. Eshtehardi adds that “reflecting on how one’s anger could be masking other painful internal experiences can also lead to insight and growth.” To that end, Luo suggests documenting every time you are angry. He says that writing down what happened, what you felt, and why can make it easier to detect early warning signs faster in the future. (Here are tips for journaling your way to better mental health, if you’re curious.) Whether you are dealing with your anger issues or someone else’s, you must draw a hard line at abuse—whether verbal, physical, or emotional. If you find that anger is causing domestic or family violence, seek help immediately. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (or your local support group) for free support from a trained advocate, who can help you plan the next steps. If anger is getting the best of you or someone you love, seek professional help to resolve underlying trauma and to channel those feelings into constructive behaviors in the future. If you’re worried about finding a therapist you’ll connect with, these tips may help. If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1. For anonymous and confidential help, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224) and speak with a trained advocate for free as many times as you need. They’re available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also speak to them through a live private chat on their website. Originally from New Jersey, she has lived in Spain, India, Mozambique, Angola, and South Africa. She speaks four languages (reads in three), but primarily publishes in English. Her writing placements range from popular trade magazines like Better Home & Gardens, Real Simple, and Whetstone to academic journals like Harvard’s Transition Magazine, the Centre for Feminist Foreign Policy, and the Oxford Monitor.
