“The partner on top can use their legs to add more of a bounce than a grinding sensation and control the speed and depth of penetration or movement,” she explains. “The partner in the bottom position does receive more intense stimulation as the partner on top can use pelvic muscles and leg strength to increase intensity.” “If you like to be in control, dominate, and be on top, this is the position for you,” Sparks says. “The person on the bottom is in the submissive position even if they have the penis or are wearing the strap-on. Even the most dominant man or dildo wearer will enjoy this submissive position as the person on top does all of the work, and they enjoy all of the pleasure of being ridden in a new and exciting way.” Chavez Qureshi adds that the face-to-face nature of this position also promotes intimacy and connection by allowing partners to give and receive nonverbal feedback during the act. For couples with a vulva partner and penis partner, start by getting into a missionary position where both partners face each other. For vulva-to-penis couples, the vulva owner should be on top. “Have the bottom partner bend their legs up to the chest or in a tabletop position while the vulva owner straddles their partner. The partner on top can use one hand to insert the penis while using their legs to bounce up and down on their partner while being penetrated,” Chavez Qureshi explains. “The other hand can be used to stimulate the clitoris or to use a handheld device for extra clitoral stimulation.” If you and your partner both have penises, you can do the same position with anal penetration. If you both have vulvas, follow the same instructions as above but with the bottom partner using a strap-on with a dildo. “Also, the position can be done without a strap-on and instead use a vibrator or double-sided dildo for extra stimulation,” Chavez Qureshi adds. This position requires some balancing and some attention in your core, Menezes adds, but it’s totally worth it. Carol Queen, Ph.D., sexologist with Good Vibrations, jokes she’s fairly certain this is why headboards were actually invented: “For any kneeling or squatting person-on-top positions, having a (sturdy enough) headboard to grab can really help with stability and the ability to have some support during thrusting,” she says. “If squatting over and straddling a partner is impossible (sometimes things don’t always align), then modifying the position by squatting between the partner’s legs can be a great alternative,” she adds. This works when the partner on top puts one knee on the bed and the foot of the opposite leg is also placed flat on the bed, like you would be if squatting. Queen says, “If separating your legs enough to kneel/squat on either side of the lying-down partner is hard, you can have your legs inside theirs. Or one outside, one inside. You make the rules!” Place the soles of your feet on each side of your partner’s waist, “which makes it less strenuous on your glutes and quads,” Zane says. “Communication is key here and really just listening to your body,” Menezes says. “Trying new positions is really about exploration and curiosity and remembering that if something doesn’t feel good, you can always adjust or try something else. Sex gets to be a co-creation where the goal is pleasure and everything else is led by curiosity and communication.”
