Some people develop Everyday PTSD because they live in complete fear of the uncontrollable and the unknown. As a result, they experience ordinary stressors as life-or-death situations when in reality they’re simply over-thinking. Freaking out all the time is traumatizing to themselves and possibly those around them. Not everybody loves a drama queen. And you’re not helping yourself by overstating the situation. You’re creating an exaggerated scenario and it’s a lie. I know you don’t mean to — after all, everyone around you has been using this language to describe their life and their experiences — but it’s time to stop. It’s confusing to your psychology and it’s not diffusing the situation — it’s only making it worse. There’s no, “She’s too busy for me,” or “She’s so selfish.” Again, these are lies. They don’t help, they just hurt. These kind of questions typically have a hidden statement about how you feel. Imagine saying, “I’d love to take you out to dinner,” or “I really enjoy spending time with you.” It’s sharing your honest emotions with another person and inviting them to do the same. There is no pressure to respond a certain way or the added stress of wanting to hear a certain answer. It’s being open to whatever the truth may be. It’s more accurate and effective to just say that I’ll be there at 9:10. Apologizing would mean that I’m in some way defective and I know I’m not. I didn’t do something wrong, I just did something unintentionally. So, stop saying that you’re sorry and stop giving yourself anxiety about being imperfect. You’re human. Go to a quiet space; it can be your favorite armchair, on the grass in the park or even inside your car. Sit with your eyes closed and just breathe. Empty your thoughts. (If it helps, imagine three boxes stacked on top of each other. Each time you breathe, take one box away until nothing is left but empty space.) Each time you inhale, think of yourself breathing in compassion, positivity and love. And each time you exhale, visualize all the doubt, uncertainty and hatred leaving your body. Breathe in affirmation and breathe out negative energy. Breathe in tranquility and breathe out anxiety. Be comfortable not knowing that information beforehand — it’s what makes you human. You don’t need to know the future to feel safe and you don’t need to know what occupies another person’s mind to feel secure. Let life unfold; it was designed to be a gift. And the best gifts are always a surprise. I don’t believe it’s accurate to say, “Oh, Jim shouldn’t have done that,” because, in all honesty, SAYS WHO? Who says we have to do things a certain way to be right, anyway? Saying, “I have to get my nails done,” or “I have to get across town to pick up my kids;” these things aren’t necessary for your survival (or your sanity) and placing too much significance to them just traumatizes yourself. Saying you have to or you need to, it’s as if you’d literally drop dead if you didn’t get your nails done. It might make you uncomfortable, but c’mon, you’ll live. I invite you to use more accurate language: “I’d really enjoy getting my nails done,” or “I’m planning to get across town to pick up my kids.” You can really get some peace of mind just by taking the pressure off yourself. Anxiety is a serious contender when it comes to major health issues, and for good reason. It affects our psychology, mental capacities, sleep patterns, eating habits, confidence levels, and so much more. But I encourage you to become aware of the role that you play when anxiety strikes. You’ll have less cortisol flowing through your veins, more enjoyment in life and definitely more fun — isn’t it about time?
