While conventional small-talk questions (think What do you do for work? Where did you grow up? etc.) might be necessary at the start, asking thoughtful questions can foster a more intimate friendship, and asking lighthearted questions can keep the relationship playful—both of which are important traits in a lasting friendship. As important as asking questions can be, it’s equally important to make space for active listening. That’s where reciprocity comes into play. “What we don’t want to do is pepper someone with a zillion questions so they are feeling interrogated,” Hallett says. “Engaging in conversation gives us the opportunity to develop rapport (the understanding of another’s thoughts and feelings and the ability to communicate well).” This process helps build community, trust, and an understanding of others. From a practical perspective, Hallett says, the more you get to know someone, the more likely you’ll be to share personal details of your life, which allows you to be more authentic and vulnerable.
