The question then becomes — what creates safety? Here are six ways to increase the emotional intimacy in your most significant relationships. Consciously and consistently choosing kindness and compassion with each other — as well as with ourselves — creates the environment of safety that allows intimacy to flourish. We need to be able to rely on each other’s caring in order to feel the safety necessary for emotional intimacy. While we can connect with each other intellectually from our heads, we need to be present in our hearts and souls to connect emotionally. We connect emotionally through our feelings way more than through our thoughts. In order to connect through our feelings, we need to be present and willing to share them. While sharing feelings might feel vulnerable, vulnerability is essential for emotional connection. We need to know that integrity is important to each of us. Having integrity means not behaving in ways that go against our essence — our conscience. When we are true to our essential goodness, we become trustworthy. It takes time to build the kind of trust that leads to emotional intimacy. We need to experience many different situations with each other to build the trust necessary for enduring emotional intimacy. In a committed relationship, these are the ingredients necessary for both emotional and sexual intimacy. Emotional intimacy leads to sexual intimacy between partners, which is why there is frequently more passion at the beginning of a relationship than after many years. Before partners build their walls against getting hurt, they are often open, kind, and present with each other — which facilitates passionate sexual intimacy. Many times, this is temporary, because the deeper trust isn’t yet there, and people often close down when their fears are activated. But when people in long-term, committed relationships learn to take responsibility for their feelings, staying open to learning with each other; believe in their partner’s essential goodness; be present, kind, caring, compassionate, honest, and trustworthy with themselves and each other, both their emotional intimacy and their sexual intimacy will continue to deepen. Related Reads:
