A quick caveat: There isn’t one end-all, be-all way to heal your trauma. In fact, Frank says the trauma-healing space can become a bit cult-like (and Frank would know; she once joined a fundamentalist cult). “The defining feature of a cult is this binary of ‘us versus them.’ The cult of trauma healing I’ve noticed is [when people say], ‘Here’s how you heal trauma, and if you don’t do it this way, then you’re out,’” she explains. Once you understand what it means to experience trauma (and that anyone, no matter their lifestyle, can have it), you can begin to tackle it. “Start with, ‘No matter how awesome my life is, I have the right to feel pain and heal my trauma.’ I think that’s a good starting place,” says Frank. “You can’t heal what you don’t name.” She calls this “analysis paralysis,” as the introspection keeps you from actually making any progress. The solution? Change the why question to a what question: “What are my actual choices right now? What are my resources? What am I willing to say ‘yes’ to today?” That “yes” question is the kicker, as it helps propel you forward—even if it’s just a baby step. “Stuck turns into unstuck the second you say ‘yes’ to anything of any degree in any direction,” notes Frank. Don’t feel like you have to take a giant leap forward, either. “If today’s not your day to run a marathon, take a walk around the block,” says Frank. “Then tomorrow do another thing, and then do another thing….You’ll be able to get rolling.”
