But when it clicks, it can feel incredibly empowering. “A friend asked me what this complicated term meant, and I knew it, and I felt so good about myself,” says Dunn. “Two years ago, there’s no way I would have known that, but knowing the terms and language that go around money can feel really powerful.” It also makes you feel like you have control of the situation. “I had this accountant that I did not like, but I stayed with him because I kept on telling myself that ‘he must know better,’ eventually though I started doing research, looking around and found one I really liked. Eventually I felt this flip in me that was like, ‘You know what, maybe they know more, but I can go with my gut.’ That control was life-changing.” For Dunn, things didn’t start falling into place until she started talking about it. “Once I started talking about money was when I started getting more specific advice that made sense to me,” she said. (This is a good reminder: We can give you as much general advice as possible, but finances are often deeply personal and require nuance. Sometimes, you will need individualized advice.) And for Dunn, not avoiding the topic is really the one true sign of a healthy relationship with your money. “You don’t have to have the fear attached to it and surrounding it. People have said to me, ‘Oh now that you’ve made more money, are you still bad with money?’ That’s not what it means! Being bad with money means you have your head in the sand, that you never think about until you have to, and that you are purposely avoiding learning about.” This isn’t just about personal finance, either; it’s about addressing societal issues, too. “I’ve been able to learn that these are systemic problems. There are reasons that society is like ‘Keep it to yourself!’ because the problem isn’t that we’re idiots; it’s that the system is often set up incorrectly,” she says. “Not talking about it is how the status quo stays the same.” So there’s a lot of incentive to skip it, put it off. That’s understandable: We have stressful lives, who wants to go home and do something that’s actively anxiety-inducing? But, says Dunn, “it’s less painful in the long run. It’s a few hours of your life now to be able to help you later.” I liken it to therapy: Sure, you may dread it in the moment—you may even find it anxiety-inducing as well—but it’s better for your mental health long term.
