Humans process sensual and sexual experiences through a series of interactions between their sexual response system’s so-called accelerator and brakes, also known as the dual control model of sexual response1. The simplest way to think about it: The accelerator turns us on, and the brakes turn us off. When your brakes are dominant, you may struggle with getting turned on, whereas when your accelerator is dominant, you may have a much easier time getting there. How our individual system works, whether our brakes or accelerator is more dominant, and how they work together depends not only on the genitals we were born with but also on who we are as a person: what we like, what we don’t like, what stresses us out, what makes us feel all tingly, where we are in life. Finding out what turns you on is about creating the best context for pleasure, for you, with as few of the turnoffs in play as possible. Here are a few simple yet concrete examples of how to create those contexts to help you get horny when you want to be, sourced from experts: Taking your foot off the brakes is a process, sometimes a slow one. And that’s OK. As Casperson tells mbg, “The slowness of it is how the symphony is played.” There is no quick fix to turning yourself on. It’s not how you get into music, and it’s not how you get into sex. The more you can learn about yourself and what makes you tick, sexually speaking, the easier it’ll be to turn off those offs and let your accelerator do its thing. With a unique view on life, she taps into her own experiences to guide folks to live life for themselves, empowering them to explore their inner wild and find their own way in adulthood. Her weekly newsletter is a tiny way she furthers her mission to hold space for the unfathomable, romantic, and messy parts of life that make it that much more beautiful.
