If you’re new to dating apps or just looking for advice on how to navigate the process with more success, here are a few online dating rules to keep in mind: Set a clear intention for what you’re looking for. It may even be helpful to sit down beforehand and journal a little bit about what kind of relationship you want and who would be the ideal person to do that with. That way, you can be thoughtful as you evaluate people’s profiles and decide whether to swipe right (connect) or swipe left (pass) on someone. Focus on matching with people who actually align with your dating goals. Relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, notes that it’s OK if your profile doesn’t speak to everyone. “Write a selective and well-tailored profile,” she writes at mbg. “Make sure that your photos are current and realistic,” Milrad adds. So message anyone that tickles your fancy, and do respond to any messages that are interesting to you or from someone that intrigues you. (Some dating apps will only let you message people when you’ve already matched or indicated interest in each other, which is all the more reason to reach out once that happens! You already know there’s mutual interest.) “There are a million possible reasons that person didn’t write back, and 99.9% of the time, that has nothing to do with your attractiveness and value as a person,” dating coach Andi Forness writes at mbg. Move along! There are plenty of fish in this online sea. “Set a limit for how many people you will be dating at once. It is difficult and time-consuming to manage the dating process with multiple people,” Milrad says. “If you start to feel consumed, exhausted, or discouraged, take a break. Delete all your apps and cleanse for at least 30 days. It’s OK to take a break every once in a while. It doesn’t mean you’ve given up completely. You’re just giving yourself a chance to reset.” Be sure to also talk about what you want from dating and what kind of potential relationship you’d be interested in having. It’s important to be transparent: If someone says they’re interested in getting married in the next year when that’s nowhere on your radar, tell them that. If someone says they’re just looking for something casual, don’t play along hoping to trick them into a relationship—you’re just going to get yourself hurt or cause unnecessary drama for the other person. “You want to be face-to-face with someone as quickly as possible. That’s how you figure out physical attraction and body language,” former eHarmony CEO Grant Langston once told mbg. “You’re not here for a pen pal. Once you’ve figured that out, just go and have that cup of coffee or go on that walk.” A first date doesn’t have to be a big thing, by the way—it can just be a short walk or even a video date. Here’s some questions and inspo for what to say: “You can’t have real relationships and meaningful connections without vulnerability,” she writes. “At the end of the day, it’s about allowing yourself to take an emotional leap of faith and risk getting hurt in the name of finding real love.” And don’t forget to have fun! That’s what dating’s all about. RELATED: The Best Dating Apps In 2022, Based On What You Want With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
